GameStop’s Betting $1.3B on Bitcoin in a Genius Glow-Up Gambit

The original memestock is apparently taking financial advice from a guy who probably sleeps with a Bitcoin pillow.

In a move that could’ve been ripped straight from a WallStreetBets thread, GameStop—the retailer you last visited to trade in Madden 09 for three bucks—has decided it’s done with the analog life and is cannonballing into the crypto deep end. The company’s plotting to raise $1.3 billion to scoop up Bitcoin, taking a page from Michael Saylor’s playbook—the MicroStrategy CEO who’s so obsessed with Bitcoin he might just name his firstborn “Satoshi.”

What’s the Scoop? (Or Should We Say, What’s the HODL?)

• Debt Offering: Because Cash Is So 2020
  GameStop’s execs are rolling out $1.3 billion in convertible senior notes—essentially corporate IOUs due in April 2030, perfectly timed for whatever economic chaos awaits. The mission? Snap up Bitcoin faster than you can say “to the moon.” Forget slinging scratched Halo discs—this is their new endgame.
• Corporate Treasury Shift: “We’re a Crypto Company Now, Mom!”
  The cash is headed straight for Bitcoin to beef up their treasury, turning GameStop from a fading mall staple into a crypto contender. Sensible investments? Nah, they’re chasing that sweet, sweet blockchain cred. Somewhere, a CFO is stress-eating Tums.
• Cash Reserves: $4.7 Billion Just Isn’t Cool Enough
  Here’s the wild part: GameStop’s already got $4.7 billion chilling in its coffers—enough to buy a private island or a decade of energy drinks. But why dip into that when you can borrow big and ride Bitcoin’s rollercoaster? It’s less “rainy day fund” and more “let’s roll the dice” vibes.

So, strap in—GameStop’s swapping its nostalgia cred for a crypto wallet and going all-in on Bitcoin. Will this be the ultimate level-up or a spectacular faceplant? Pop some corn, maybe snag some altcoins, and watch this chaotic glow-up unfold.