Eric Trump Jr. Yelled ‘Buy Ethereum!’ and Now Your Portfolio’s a Smoking Dumpster Fire!

In a move that has left the cryptocurrency world reeling, Eric Trump Jr., the self-proclaimed “stable genius” of the Trump dynasty, announced last month that he was “all in” on Ethereum, urging his legion of followers to buy the digital coin before it “goes to the moon.” Unfortunately for investors, the only thing that’s gone anywhere since then is Ethereum’s value—straight into the gutter.

The trouble began on February 10, when Eric took to X with the confidence of a man who’s never been wrong about anything (or at least never admitted it). “Ethereum is the future, folks. Smart contracts, NFTs, DeFi—it’s got it all. I’m buying bigly, and you should too. Trust me, I’ve done the research,” he posted, alongside a selfie of him squinting at a laptop screen displaying what appeared to be a Coinbase login page. The crypto community, always eager for a celebrity pump, initially responded with enthusiasm, pushing Ethereum’s price to a fleeting high of $3,200.

But then, as if on cue, the Eric Trump Effect kicked in. Within hours of his endorsement, Ethereum began a slow, agonizing descent, dropping 5% by the next morning. By the end of the week, it was down 15%. As of today, March 15, the coin sits at a dismal $2,100—a 30% plunge in just over a month. Crypto traders are now calling it “The Junior Jinx,” a phenomenon where anything Eric Trump touches turns to digital dust.

“I should’ve known,” lamented X user @CryptoChad69, who claims he lost $50,000 after buying in on Eric’s advice. “This is the guy who once said he could fix the Middle East with a golf course. Why did I think he’d understand blockchain?”

Market analysts are scrambling to explain the crash, with some pointing to broader economic factors like rising interest rates and regulatory rumors. But most agree the real culprit is Eric’s uncanny ability to spook investors. “It’s not just that he’s wrong,” said crypto expert Jenna HODLstein. “It’s that he’s wrong with such unshakable confidence. People see that and run for the hills.”

Eric, for his part, remains undeterred. In a follow-up X post last week, he doubled down, claiming the dip was “just a buying opportunity” and that “the haters and losers don’t get it.” He also hinted at a new venture, teasing, “Wait till you see my Ethereum-powered Trump NFT collection—gonna be yuge!” The announcement coincided with another 3% drop, prompting X users to beg him to stop tweeting.

This isn’t Eric’s first brush with financial misfortune. In 2023, he famously predicted a “massive comeback” for Truth Social’s stock, only for it to tank 40% in a month. And who could forget his 2024 foray into day trading, when he boasted about shorting Tesla “because Elon’s too woke,” just before the stock surged 25%? The man’s track record is so reliably disastrous that some X users are now joking he should be hired by the SEC to crash pump-and-dump schemes on command.

As Ethereum holders nurse their losses, the crypto community is left with a bitter lesson: when Eric Trump Jr. says “buy,” it’s time to sell—or better yet, unplug your computer and hide under the bed. For now, the only thing “going to the moon” is Eric’s reputation as the grim reaper of investments. Better luck next time, Junior. Maybe stick to something safer—like running a charity. Oh, wait…